Maybe this is my answer

I have been struggling with just about every aspect of my life lately. I can't seem to "de-stress" enough to keep me going, so I do nothing. Nothing gets finished, nothing gets done, nothing gets resolved, and my stress keeps piling up and up. I have tried to put it aside, but it seems like every time I do, something new comes up. Now I sound like I'm whining, but I really just wanted to say that I haven't done the things I know will help me the most. I haven't turned to prayer, I haven't exercised more, I haven't taken time for myself, and I haven't done any writing. This Saturday, Pam and I went to lunch for her birthday, and while talking to her I realized that I need to get back to basics. I need to do the things that have always brought me joy...and I need to allow myself to grieve for my mother. I've been trying to be tough these last few years, because I was afraid that I would lose what little control I have if I let go. What I really accomplished is that I am not in touch with me, and in doing that, I've distanced myself from my family and friends. I'm afraid to show emotion, because that seems weak. But it was great talking to Pam and renewing our friendship. I realized I need to be grateful for what I have. I am so blessed with such a good family. I have always had unbelievably good parents, grandparents, and siblings. I have such good children, and a husband who is proud of me...and I have the most beautiful grandchildren in all the world. (sorry guys, but that one is not negotiable!) I have a job that I love and I have opportunities just waiting for me.
I need to follow my mom's example and learn to be grateful for what I have, and not focus on the bad. I was thinking the other day about Christmas my senior year of high school. I wanted to make a poster of myself (only a little narcissistic:) for Mike (hs boyfriend) and so my dad went with me to the park to take tons of pictures of me swinging and sliding so I could get the right "fly-away" on my hair. I was thinking - "what other father of a teenage daughter would do that for her to give to her boyfriend" I tried to tell dad how much I appreciated that he was always there for me - and all of us - even when I was being a total dork, but I couldn't tell him without crying, so I didn't. But, we have all been blessed with our family. Anyway, I love you all! Even my little great-nieces and nephews :) and if I have learned one thing in all my too-many years, it's that no matter how often the down times are; there are always up times you just need the patience to be ready for them.